Dual....:-)
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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