that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
