did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
