I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
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