found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I met the friendliest cop last night
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
