I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
