Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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