I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i out mim tonsoeep
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