All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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