Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
