No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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