they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize