Don't you send me to vm
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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