Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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