So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
