The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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