Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
