he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
