Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
