I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
