We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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