Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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