The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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