I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
