You really coming over, don't trick.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
