U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
