I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
