dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
