so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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