i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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