lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
