At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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