So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
