Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
