the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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