At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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