you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
This is my gift to your gina
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
