Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
