I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize