We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Randomize
