I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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