So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize