I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
