found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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