I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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