I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
