U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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