i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
