Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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