marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
