everyone is single if you try hard enough
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I am naked and annoyed.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
