Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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