i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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