The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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