with your own penis?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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