That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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