I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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