It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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