too bad you live with your parents still
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
