Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
