Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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