Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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