we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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