after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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