I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
