everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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