We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
