oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
