if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
